although im like telling everyone in public (as in on th squad blog) that if we work hard,
we will make it when we become NCOs,
i dont really think so eh. x.x
not that i dont believe in our squad lah.
but i can feel something bad out of this.
and th problem is,
i think even in august,
i will have th same bad feeling.
i think that our squad just cannot achieve more than what we already achieved.
and in fact,
we deproved.
in the past,
we used to keep improving cause we loved each other.
and kept willing each other to move on,
thus pushing each and every squadmate to their limits.
all because we dont want to disappoint one another,
we kept pushing ourselves and our standard kept improving.
now,
that love for one another has died down.
maybe we are just like enzymes?
LOL :X
our standard will keep increasing with time (instead of temperature)
until it reaches its peak.
then start decreasing cause our love for each other denatures :/
weird description huh. ._.
but that is exactly what is happening now x.x
i have already done 3 posts of self reflection about ROD this year.
this being th third one. :#
and i havent finished saying what i want to say.
i talk a lot.
and i self reflect a lot also. :/
which idk is a good or bad thing luh.
my mood is damn horrible now. D:
cause it is more or less confirmed that ROD will be in may.
we havent learnt a lot.
and we havent started preparing anything.
i hope we can start planning after th exams are over.
and th friggin' exams just add on to th friggin' weirdness of emotions ._.
i mean maybe if there were no exams anymore,
then we can concentrate on cca which is already very overwhelming.
maybe just to me lah.
i care too much about a cca that i dont like to attend.
i still care for my squadmates ._.
while everyone has given up,
i kind of haven't.
i care for them but i dont love them like i did in th past.
as in like i get hurt too when i see them in pain or depressed lah. :/
i hope that after ROD, th tension in our squad disappear.
or is it just me thinking too much?

[edit] urgh ._. in a really terrible mood right now. somehow, every other person's mood seem to affect me. :/ i have a lot of things on my mind right now. i really need to talk someone. hais. i scared i spill everything out luh ._. im like blasting my ears now and singing along in my mind. it doesn't help much. T__T cant watch hello baby now cause my parents are home. somehow, hello baby can lift my mood by ALOT. as in seriously alot. after i watch it, i will always be in a good mood. so whenever im in a bad mood, i will try to watch any episode of Hello Baby cause it always makes me laugh (: im going to rest early so i dont have to keep thinking. i realised that the most blissful time of th day is usually th time when you fall asleep, cause your mind is not yours to control. x.x and i just found out that some friggin' person lied to me. so my mood is damn horrible. as in im not angry or anything like that luh. just quite disappointed with myself. :/ am I really so untrustworthy? hais.[/edit]

Labels: URGH. i should stop thinking so much.