today is totally screwed.
life is just screwed.
220710 is officially one of th worst days in my life.
it was early in th morning when we had to meet th other squadmates to discuss some stuff.
i thought it started off as a pretty good morning cause,
although it was raining,
when i reached school,
madeleine was there.
we decided to take our pe shirts along to th meeting.
cause we thought th rain would stop before pe started.
then we could change and go for pe.
but it rained even heavier.
and morning assembly was held in th classrooms.
promo results were announced at th meeting.
it was quite a horrible scene luh
me and madeleine were too busy to notice our surroundings cause we were playing crazy penguin.
then we lifted our heads and we saw people consoling other people.
when madeleine and me reached th 4th floor,
we saw chloe and freda walking from quite far.
then suddenly,
chloe started running,
while freda tried to keep up by walking faster.
once she reached us,
she pulled madeleine to th side.
then freda confronted me.
she asked me what happened.
i didn't know th situation.
so i thought she was upset because of th results of her promos.
then i was like ' junianti told us our promo results just now'
i realised something.
chloe passed her promos.
i turned and saw chloe crying.
i quickly walked up to madeleine and chloe.
madeleine was consoling her and chloe was crying into her shoulders.
then i asked, while freda slowly walked up to us,
'chloe, why are you crying?'
i forgot who told me but,
she said that 'chloe didn't know how to tell freda that she failed her promos'
at that time,
i didn't know what to say.
madeleine said i have no feelings,
cause i dont feel like crying at all.
but th truth is,
i am damn sad.
but i wont even show you all that im sad.
cause its quite easy to know when im emo-ing,
since i talk alot.
and i dont like people asking whether im okay and asking me to cheer up.
so all i did was pretend.
i dont even know th proper way of consoling someone.
sorry squadmates.
then during pe,
3H and 3K coincidentally met in th hall for pe.
freda ran to wanyih and started crying.
chloe told us she cried alot after we left.
chloe started crying again.
madeleine had tears in her eyes.
but i had none.
im like super weird.
i feel sad but i just cant cry in school.
after pe,
we didn't see them anymore.
next disaster.
i failed my maths.
and not only by 1 or 2 marks.
but by 9.
th test was upon 40
and i got 11.
when i first recieved th results,
i was shocked.
i thought i would at least pass th paper.
when i saw what i did wrong,
i felt worse.
th questions which i could get correctly wasn't just one but 4.
which worthed a total of 21 marks,
almost twice my score.
all of them were errors carried forward.
i lost 6 marks because i copied a question wrongly.
stupid me.
i tried laughing it off.
it was better for a while but after everyone asked whether i felt okay,
i was on th verge of tears.
how th hell am i going to pass my maths for this term?
what i got was not a mere D7 but a F9.
if i got full marks for th other maths test,
th marks i get would only add up to 63.
i managed to control my tears by biting my lips, coughing and swallowing.
i reached home.
then i found that it was useless to cry.
im disappointed, extremely.
how could i make such stupid mistakes?
this is certainly far worse than when i got to know th hierarchy results.
i will need another few days to recover.

Labels: how good was my acting?