okay, ripped this photo off the internet cause i didn't manage to take any during my entire time there.

Aircraft Nine(r) Victor - Yankee Foxtrot India (9V-YFI) - the last plane i flew in SYFC.

People always say 'flying is so cool! how does it feel like?'

I would say first, fun then pressurizing.

While you are having fun on the plane, you cannot forget the responsibility you have on your shoulders to fly and land the plane properly and most importantly, safely.

From 290212 to 180812, for slightly more than 6 months,

i have gained a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

I am sure i have even picked up skills that are not related to flying.

Through this 6 months, i experienced happiness, helplessness, anxiety, thrill and concern.

This myriad of emotions that would, i think be otherwise quite impossible, to feel so strongly within such a short period of time.

I remember the talk last year when Rilvia came down to RV, how i wanted to try it just because i thought it was cool.

She never really disclosed the hardships and pain one had to go through in order to get to PPL except for 'you need a lot of time commitment'.

She never mentioned the fact that only about 2 to 3 students from each course would manage to reach the PPL stage.

i guess she forgot to mention those.

i am not blaming her or something, but i will be sure to warn the juniors when she come over this year.

i would warn them ' it will be a brand new and rewarding experience but you must be both mentally and physically strong to handle it'

Orientation began like at the end of february while most of the other RV-ians started the course in January. (BFC190)

Every saturday I went down to syfc for briefings and CAIs.

Then simulator training started and then finally the actual flying. - clocked 19.9 hours of dual in total

Found out that my primary instructor was CHEE PS.

Never saw him before so i was like asking around.

and turned out that beihua had the same primary instructor as me.

he told me that the instructor was relatively strict and i think only he made it to phase 2 out of those who were under him in his course.

so my thoughts were 'shit, im gonna waste all my time here if i get kicked out only after phase 1'

But when my first flight came,

i met him.

CHEE PS (people there call him 'cheeps', pronounced as 'chips') was not as scary as i thought.

he like of had a fatherly vibe around that made me somehow less tense around him.

(he looks really like Mr Ng Hai Guan)

First few sorties were fine, i remember staring at the FRC and thinking 'what the hell is this book talking'

the list of checks goes on continuously for more than 10 pages and we were expected to memorise and perform all the actions smoothly just by the 3rd sortie.

so i was like ' okay, i dont know which is which, lets just see how it goes'

being the slack me, i just went off to my first sortie without preparing at all.

CHEE PS: 'you know the external checks?'

ME: 'No, Sir'

CHEE PS: 'the alumni never teach you?!'

ME: ' they did go through with us once, Sir. But i dont remember'

CHEE PS: *stares in disbelief 'okay, i will go through with you once'

i remembered that conversation so well cause it was one i thought would lead to a scolding but instead ended in such a nice tone.

and technically he didn't just go through the checks with me once,

he went through them with me until i could more or less grasp the different parts of the plane and what to do with them and why you would want to do that particular action.

1st sortie was especially memorable cause it was my first flight so even with all the crap i did on the plane, he did not scold me at all.

i remembered taxi-ing the aircraft for the first time.

the feeling was just weird cause the aircraft was maneuvered by differential braking.

and with my habit of playing with anything new, i just increased power by a lot suddenly (me and my itchy hands) so the aircraft suddenly accelerated weee.

Yellow taxi lines were painted on the floor. so we were supposed to follow them but i almost went into the grass for the first sortie ._.

but still, cheeps still comforted me and said not to worry as he saw people far worse than me.

which really cheered me up since i thought my taxi-ing was really horrible that day.

Throughout the phase 1, i improved progressively and at sortie 5, i got my first 5.

(we were graded out of 7 for every sortie)

i remembered the chat i had with cheeps on my fifth sortie.

i was asking him whether he thought i had a chance to get to phase 2.

he was relatively taken aback by my straight forwardness i presume.

cause he kind of stunned for a while.

then he started off by telling me how horrible i did for my sortie 4 and how determined he was to kick me out at the end of sortie 4.

(i had no idea what happened in sortie 4, i just kind of blanked out and nothing could get to me)

then he told me how much i improved in sortie 5 and said i could most probably advance to phase 2.

the feeling i got at that time was.. weird. sort of really happy and at the same time sad.

by the time i reached sortie 4, i was REALLY convinced that i really had no talent for flying.

i blanked out in the sortie and freaking screwed up every single thing.

oh did i forget to mention that every single instructor becomes a discipline master up in the air and shouts at you really horribly if you screwed up.

so you can imagine when i got down from the aircraft,

my legs were shaking and i was on the verge of tears - determined never to experience that again.

BUT still i had no idea how i got through sortie 5 and 6 so smoothly.

in between all those, we still had lessons and CAIs so my coursemates were all discussing our flight experiences (apparently im the second fastest in the course) and we all had pretty scary stories of our instructors to share.

i was really so determined to quit at the end of phase 1.

so i guess my feelings were pretty screwed when i got to phase 2.

i knew i would regret if i quit when i got on to the next phase so i convinced myself 'its okay, you are doing this for the experience and if you quit, you will regret for sure'

with this thought in mind i went on to phase 2.

there a break in between the 2 phases as i went to Brisbane OELP.

the trip lasted for 2 weeks so.. sortie 7 turned out a lot worse than sortie 4.

i needed to hold something to balance myself after the flight - yes my knees were shaking that badly.

and worse, this flight was taken by ken chew, not chee ps.

this phrase he said remain in my head '小姐, i am very disappointed with your procedures'

he went quiet after that so this kept repeating in my head for the rest of the day.

really.. all i felt for the rest of the day was gloom.

'Doing circuits in phase 2 is probably the period when I felt most helpless. There were so many times when I felt like breaking down, breaking down from the pressure I put on myself for flying, breaking down from all the other things that I had to do outside of flying. Circuits being a consolidation of everything in phase 1 was very difficult, and nature isn’t always a very friendly thing. The winds and all made flying challenging.' Quoted from some random blog.

totally agree with her.

I remembered during circuits, i could not level off or do anything right, right down to my last sortie.
The thrill and fear i felt when i tried to land the plane unsuccessfully and the relief and immense happiness when i landed successfully,
The scenery from Area Alpha and Bravo-Charlie at 7000 feet or during circuits at 800 feet,
the road accident that i saw from the air,
the rain when i was flying at 90 kts,
and finally the memory of my final downwind will never be forgotten.
'i handed control over to cheeps and struggled to take in the scenery,
knowing its the last time i will see it.
My mind went blank, all i could think of was how beautiful the sky was that day with the nice weather
then, cheeps said 'skylark 80, downwind, fullstop'
and how he managed to land the aircraft so perfectly with a slight thud on the centerline.
'wow, why can't i do that too?'
Control tower asked if he was sending his student for first solo, and he replied 'negative, to vacate via whiskey 3'
and he allowed me to taxi the aircraft back to YFC for the last time'

My flying journey has ended.

i tried to keep neutral feelings as i deleted off the 'daily flight schedule' and rain location tabs on my ipod which i checked daily for at least the past 4 months to check out the situation at syfc.

i had to tell myself ' i am not going to get sms-es from syfc anymore. i wont have sudden changes in schedules anymore.'

in short, my life was going back to being boring.

In a blink of an eye, 6 months has passed by just like that.

i will remember the times: when i found out that i was the only girl in my course, the relief i felt when i saw familiar faces like ningxuan there too, when we grumbled about how slow the kitchen auntie took to cook food (i haven't tasted the food there yet, up till today.)

cant really remember the faces of all my coursemates.

But i will remember BFC190 forever.

We may not be the best course ever, considering that even i could get into phase 2,

but i will reminisce the awkwardness and eventual friendliness of my coursemates, whose names i mostly forgot to ask for.

My urge to burst into tears was overwhelming after my final debrief.

cheeps, being the devoted instructor he is, was still trying to tell me the mistakes i made during my landing even though we both knew that i will never be coming back here again while my mind was fixed on how i was going to handle the 'goodbye' after the debriefing.

truthfully, i only cried out of sadness once in my life before - the time in primary 3 when my grandpa died.

after that, all the tears were either tears of exasperation, out of anger or other stuff not related to being sad.

at that time, my tears were threatening to fall.

i was like ' dont cry, how can you cry. this is a place full of guys, once you cry everyone will know that you got kicked out'

when this constant reminder playing in my head, my tears were held back.

cheeps finally closed my flying file and we both exchanged glances for a moment (my score that day was 3 cause i didnt manage to go first solo - but i know he was being nice when he ticked a whole lot of '5' boxes on the list)

'well, you tried your best. dont be too upset about it. some people can play the piano very well, others can play the guitar. well, i cant play the guitar very well' was what he said.

Then he gave me the 'goodbye' smile and offered me his hand which i calmly shook (it made it harder that he was tearing slightly too)

with that, we parted.

i left my file at the usual place and quickly escaped to the toilet to try and calm myself down.

succeeded after a while i guess, as my emotions receded as quickly as it rose up.

changed into school base tee and short - ready to go for my class cip.

bumped into auntie vivian in the toilet who said 'today first solo uh?'

to which i replied ' dont have lah' then i quickly retreated into a toilet cubicle.

i knew she would be disappointed, i just didnt want to see it.

once in the cubicle,

the dam kind of overflowed slightly. (i cried a bit)

as i thought about the friends, instructors and others that pinned their hopes on me to get into PPL.

everyone who wanted me to go first solo, i guess i really disappointed them.

Special thanks to the following instructors:

Chee PS (chee ping swee) c/s skylark 80 - my primary instructor. i really dont know how to explain this in words but i will never forget you. especially that way you have to calm people down after a sortie - whistling. (pink pather haha) and your fatherly ways of coaching (and for telling me that i have no survival instincts - it seriously was a wake-up call for me). thank you. really.

Ken chew (c/s skylark 92): the second most frequent instructor i flew with. he probably thought that i was the daughter of some high ranking official in the airforce and thus the friendliness at first (after coming back from brisbane, he even enquired on the airline i sat - Emirates). after sim 8, i told him that i was not the daughter of some pilot and his attitude took a change LOL but thank you for your endless questions which made me approach others for answers and thus in the process gaining new friends.

De Witt: never flew with him before but was the instructor i chatted most with in the case of thunderstorms. he was the one who made me laugh when i was nervous and helped me in many different ways (like helping me lie to OM to get my leave to go to brisbane opps) im sorry to have disappointed you by not getting to PPL. you are the one i kind of feel really guilty to. (can still remember your face when you found out that i didn't get to PPL - really sorry)

Toh BH (Toby) c/s skylark 99 - flew with you only once but you were the only instructor i flew with totally no stress at all. you were probably the nicest instructor around. thank you for allowing to experience at least one flight without pressure.

Thanks to my coursemates :

Ning Xuan - for being there to eat lunch and entertain me during the lectures and CAIs and lunches.

Even though i never met you there on an actual flight before, you were a big comfort to me during the long saturday sessions.

JunJie - for your willingness to listen to me as i rant. During the first phase, i bump into you like almost everytime i went there. thank you for the rides to CCK mrt on those days and you for being there (especially on that entertaining AYLC fac training camp skipping adventure)

Kuppan - i talked to you for the first time on my 5th sortie when i asked whether you wanted to practice checks with me before your actual flight since we both came early. you relaxed me with your nervousness and fast talk before my 5th flight which probably contributed to my eventual '5' score on my 5th sortie. thank you, that was the best sortie to date.

Zhi Hao - the weird RI guy who i thought was a nerd at first. cause during the self intro, he said 'i am zhihao. and i want to join the student council in RI. and in the future, i hope to be a doctor'. you taught me not to judge by first impression as you were a very modest guy (i found out after talking to you). one of my good friends there i guess. thank you.

Finally, thanks to the following RV-ians who were more or less there with me during the entire duration of my stay there (from BFC189)

Desmond - for cheering me up in phase 1. and making me feel like my presence there was not worthless.

Bei Hua - for his weird funniness (i will remember the BK dinner HAHA) and rides back to clementi.

and finally Yong Rui - for his endless teasing that kind of made me forget the gloom from flying for that day and being mostly there for almost the entire duration of my phase 2. i guess we were still awkward with each other now, as we are both not very good at words with strangers. but i consider you a good friend. especially last thursday on my supposedly last flight. on the way back home in beihua's father's car, i think you noticed that i was kind of emo then you smacked my face with the purple pillow in the car haha. really got me smiling lol, thank you really. hope you will become the airforce pilot that you want to be and dont get retained this year.


Finally, i am free from the jail filled with candy. I will relish my freedom, but at the same time keep these memories for the rest of my life. i guess i wont be talking to the above people ever again, hais. but hope you all do your best and have a wonderful life ahead. i wish all the best from the bottom of my heart, cause wonderful people like you really deserve the best. i really cant thank the people who supported me through this enough.
To many others, the sky may be the limit, but those who flown i believe we can say that the sky is home.