So this is life.
First time i actually worked so hard to achieve something and yet, i didn't get it.
The disappointment is endless, seriously.
Looking at Ko BH in the RV blazer at SYFC, again reminded me of my failure ._.
urghhhh, why can't people stop making me jealous?
But I am happy for them, they have managed to achieve what few can achieve.
Its the experience there that counts. (thats what i keep telling myself :/)
I had this dream recently. And it was damn weird!! (yes, i keep a record of all my weird dreams cause its so interesting)
5 May 2013: (Here it goes LOL)
Dreamt that I was at SYFC and xingyao and wanyi just joined the club! O:
This is weird because its already May and we are taking As LOL in my dream, i thought they were crazy HAHA
so i tried to teach then the checks and stuff and i still remember them all omg.
I even remember how Area Bravo-Charlie looks like and how to get back to seletar runway with all the RT calls!
Weird right.
To think i can't even remember when i am awake.
When i landed, a whole bunch of kids were teasing me for idk what then they started throwing tomatoes at me?!
And I-Lin was the mastermind, telling all the kids to continue LOL
After a while, madeleine told I-Lin to stop o.o
Then i woke up, feeling really angry (i think for not slapping and shouting at all the kids!)
But i fell back asleep again and somehow, i was back into that dream but this time, i was in cheeps' office.
I was talking to him and he seem same old xD
but it turned out that wanyi was under him for phase 1!
Then i told him i sent him an email and he haven't replied so he said he would go and check her email.
I wanted to get permission to the aircraft to show wanyi all the ground checks then i woke up again HAHA so weird!
I remember wanyi even asked me about pre flight checks! O:
ANDDD Valencia (the SC!!) was a new student there too! But she was so nervous that she forgot to take her ID tag (there is no such thing! there is a pink tag though but the one i saw in my dreams had a tracking device in it! O:) and life vest and headset before going to the aircraft for her first sortie and I ACTUALLY HELPED HER TAKE AND PUT IT ON FOR HER AND REMINDED HER TO CHECK THE HOBBS COUNTER READING AND FUEL LEVELS FOR THE AIRCRAFT.
omg seriously, what a weird dream!!
I think even if you asked me to go for a sortie now, i would be clueless!
HOW THE HELL did i do that in my sleep.
It totally felt like a complete sortie O:

7 May 2013 (i did blogposts in my phone when i suddenly gained inspiration LOL)
Today, Ms Sab mentioned that we are only what, 17, 18 year olds and we are all merely existing, not living.
Living has that fluctuation about it, emotions go from one extreme to the other.
People are afraid to live, therefore they choose to exist only.
After thinking about it for a while,
I think i finally gets what she means.
For me, my life at SYFC was living, school is just existing.
No wonder I am caught back in the limbo where i can barely feel strong emotions.
I hate SYFC but i loved it as well.
I can still remember the details of what happened a year ago, yet i can barely remember what happened in lecture this morning (who does! seriously LOL)
A year.. It passed by so quickly.
Although i hate to admit it, barely a day have passed that i never, even once thought about anything related to my experience there.
Everything seems to remind me of my six months there.
Whyyyyy, how can something that only lasted 6 months make me miss it so much.
And its not even a boyfriend ._.
My life, can i ever find it back?
I think, i would be willing to put myself back in the torture and stress of flying just for me to experience all that one more time.
All the friends i made, all the social interactions and warmness and most of all, being there makes feel special,
even though i was damn bad at flying.
Everyone there understands, encourages and helps each other, much unlike the cold and independent world RV has to offer.
Even strangers become friends though this.
I just miss everything.
I think its just me though, being the stupid emotional creature I am.
Nobody else seems affected.

DONE! :D
This kind of spoils the mood of everything, but im really not in an emo mood right now HAHA
the weather is so nice!
I hope everything takes a turn for the better after As when i have less worries and can finally live out my life! :)))