Expectation is the root of all heartache - William Shakespeare

Almost forgot about the existence of this blog.
More than half a year have past again.
Its quite funny how fast time passes in university.
One moment its the start of the sem and another poof, more than half is over.
Been thinking about some things lately,
and as always, i blog when thoughts are jumbled up in my head.
What started out as a mainly online relationship,
turned into something i could have never imagined.
Just for this time, i am so glad i started playing the game again.
Because i got the chance to meet you guys.
Then again, the confusion starts when everyone is shouting at me that you like me.
I mean we do know each other in real life.
But at that point in time we barely talked in real life.
Mainly just texts and in-game messaging.
I felt like we started off on the wrong foot,
just like how YT told me about how her previous relationship ended badly because they started the relationship online.
I dont want that to happen.
I think the confusion mainly stemmed from fear? I can't even understand myself anymore.
I dont want to but i want to.
I know recently we have been talking a lot more in real life, but that is still not enough.
Why cant you say the things you message me in real life, it would have seemed a lot more real.
At least to me.
Then you had to go and surprise me especially on one of my bad days, which really distracted me during training tyvm.
But nonetheless, it was really quite sweet.
Yet, I feel like you like the idea of me, and not me.
Since we got to know each other a lot more during the game.
And for me, i fear its also the same.
What if this dont work out ._.
walao thinking so much is really not my thing,
why did you have to go and confuse me.
Tbh i dont want to like you,
I just dont.
You possess many characteristics that I grew up accustomed to but really dont like (aka hate).
The scar is already there, I am scared you will open the wound up again.
But then again, circumstances may, no, will, be different.
I will be stronger than my mum, i will be able to stand up for myself.
I will be able to make a right decision when the time comes.
Or so i hope.
I really have no confidence in this,
zzz i shall just see how it goes.
All this thinking is going to give me a headache i swear.
Worse comes to worse, I will just endure another 2 years.